Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
