Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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