I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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