last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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