giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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