John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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