Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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