dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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