At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
