Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
operation have a gay friend backfired
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
