I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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