D3 body, D1 cock
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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