How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
