Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
