I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
