tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
