thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize