My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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