So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
