The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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