I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
