Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
