i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
