My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
