Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
