i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
