How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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