An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
