I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
