just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
