So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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