my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
