Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
