Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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