I'm going to jail i love you
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
