only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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