I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize