you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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