We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize