i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You are the jesus of drinking
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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