I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
BRING THE BAGELS
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
