I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
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