I accidentally had phone sex last night
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize