I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Sober January is a disaster.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
