I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
