1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
