I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
