this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
