i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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