Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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