Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
okay pat passed out under dana's car
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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