Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
