Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize