ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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