dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
