She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize