I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
