ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
