Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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