Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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