i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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