i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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