Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
