You surviving the open bar?
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I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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