There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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