I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
