I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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