So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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