So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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